Last year, during Christmas dinner at my in-law’s house, someone asked the Sea Donkey if she was planning on having more children.
My brother-in-law, quickly responded, “Oh, I don’t think so. We already have a boy and a girl. I think 2 is enough for us.”
The Sea Donkey slammed down her glass and gave her husband an icy glare. Through gritted teeth she informed him, “We will be finished having children when I say we’re finished having children.”
My brother-in-law nervously tried to laugh her off, “But you’re always saying the kids can be such a handful now, ha, ha, ha.”
“Shut up,” she snapped, “It’s not your decision.”
She’s absolutely right, too. In this day and age, men have absolutely zero reproductive rights. If a woman wants a child, she’s going to have a child even if it means poking a hole in a condom. When it comes time to plan a family, a man is not allowed to say “enough is enough” or “we can’t afford it” or “I’m not sure I can be as good a Father if I spread myself too thin” lest he be labeled an insensitive clod.
When Andrea Yates snapped and killed all five of her children, Mothers all over the country clucked their tongue sympathetically and blamed the entire tragedy on her husband, Rusty. After all, the nefarious Rusty Yates reportedly pressured poor Angela into having more children than she could handle. It is no wonder she went crazy. What kind of evil, nasty, person forces his reproductive choices on his partner who is so clearly close to the breaking point?
I’ll tell you who does that: Women. Women do that every single day when they demand allowance to plan the size of the family without any input whatsoever from their husbands. The double standard is sickening. If a man asks his wife to have more children because he always wanted a large family, he’s a sexist pig. If a woman does it, she’s simply exercising her biological rights. If a man asks his wife if they can limit the size of their family because he’s stressed out enough as it is he’s…a sexist pig. If a woman does it? Duh. She’s exercising her biological rights.
Aren’t men allowed to have biological rights of their own? What happened to the idea that it takes two people to say ‘yes’ to parenthood and only one person to say ‘no?’ Where is the man’s ‘Mercy!’ Card?
They don’t have one and they know it so they go along with whatever the missus wants because the alternative is social stigma. Many Father’s are literally terrified of being labeled a sexist/deadbeat/no good/loser/bad father and the fear of that silences them when they should be raging against the injustice of it all.
The marginalization of a Father’s role in the modern family is not strictly limited to the choice of whether or not to conceive in the first place, either. Women are considered absolutes when it comes to parenting and they demand a final say in every aspect of the child’s life. They decide the names of the children, the clothes the children wear, the religion of the children, the school the children attend, the dietary needs of the children, and the disciplinary techniques one must utilize when dealing with the children. God forbid a man expresses disagreement with any of her choices or she’s liable to hysterically screech, “What do you know about it anyway? You don’t know what it’s like to have a baby growing inside of your body for nine months!”
Unable to argue such an asinine point, a man will surrender and begin the long process of ‘Me-tooing’ Mother’s every choice thereby effectively rendering his role in the household as important as that of a piece of furniture. On the off chance that his child comes to him for advice or wisdom, he is forced to repeat different variations of ‘Ask your Mother’ ad nauseam until he thoroughly convinces his child that Mother is infallible and Father is a dolt.
The message is clear: Women are the only true parents. Men are simply paychecks, sperm donors and occasional babysitters.
The thing is, I wouldn’t even hate these trends if they were producing emotional stable, capable, intelligent, well behaved children. But the proof is in the pudding people and this upcoming generation of children is nothing to write home about. Modern day children are narcissistic, lazy, weak, emotionally stunted, neurotic, manipulative, dishonest, imaged obsessed, greedy, obnoxious wastes of human life. You can’t even say their saving grace is their superb intelligence because they’re failing aptitude tests quicker than Mother can yell at their teachers for being ‘unfair.’ On top of all of this, Mothers seem to be in total denial about the monsters they’re raising. Even when confronted directly with their child’s bad behavior, they have a million and one excuses.
“My child is intense.”
“He’s just impulsive.”
“She’s unusually stubborn.”
What the hell? When I was a child, I didn’t have the option of being stubborn. I did what I was told or I suffered the fucking consequences.
My favorite excuse, of course, is: “The Father is never around. It’s his fault.”
For the life of me, I can’t figure that one out. You would think the person who actually made the parenting mistakes that directly resulted in the bad behavior would come under scrutiny before the absence of a Father (who doesn’t know any better because he’s never carried a baby in his belly for 9 months) would be criticized. If we deem men incapable of being parents in the first place, then how is it fair to blame them when junior goes to jail?
The fact of the matter is that both men and women have equal, but different, contributions to make in their child’s life.
Mothers kiss boo-boos; Fathers tell you to shake it off and toughen up.
Mothers teach you how to make friends; Fathers teach you how to keep secrets.
Mothers beg you not to leave the nest thus assuring you that you are loved; Fathers tell her to let you be, you’ll find your own way, thus assuring you that you are believed in.
It is impossible for one person to adopt both of these roles effectively. Take one parent out of the equation and the child becomes unbalanced. When you erase the Father from the scenario the end result a generation little boys who grow up not knowing what it means to be a man and little girls who grow up not knowing how to find a good one. Of course, if you erase the Mother, the effects on a child are just as detrimental, but that barely ever happens nowadays.
Mothers, you can’t have it both ways.
You can adopt the policy of a family being a partnership where both parents have equal say when it comes to the upbringing of children. However, this does not mean that you browbeat your husband into agreeing with everything you say. Sometimes, you will have to support a decision or two that is a direct opposite to what you would have done. On the upside, if the kid turns out crappy, you will only deserve half of the blame.
Or you can take absolute control of the children and rank the importance of their Father only slightly above that of the family dog. Your decisions will never be questioned and you will answer to no one. But if your child ends up a fuck up, you take full responsibility for your poor choices.
My personal fantasy is that women, as a whole, will learn to recognize the value both parents have in the lives of their children. I’d like to see them encouraging their male counterparts instead of constantly putting them down. I’d like to see them asking for input and continuing to listen even if his opinion is contrary to their own. I’d like to see children being raised to respect and trust their fathers as opposed to viewing them with suspicion, disdain, and contempt.
Then, and only then, will kids cease to be such little assholes.
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