Rockstar Mommy: Utterly Brilliant? Or Dumb Attention Whore? Well, It Depends on Whether or Not You’ve Seen Her Pictures. All 10 Thousand of Them.

May 24th, 2007.

Do you want to know what I think is funny?

I think married Mothers of four who feel the need to publicly validate their physical appearances via the Internet are funny.

Case in point: Rockstar Mommy. Please take a moment to stare in awe at the vast amount of self portraits, including two (Two!) attempts where she tried to take a picture of herself every day for an entire year.

Extreme vanity? Desperately overcompensating? You be the judge, but I’m willing to bet it’s a little of both.

See, that’s the problem with pretty girls. The fear rejection to the point where they can’t even honestly attempt something artistic or intellectual without having a stack of flattering self portraits to fall back on. It’s almost as if they’re saying, “Wait. Just wait. Before you read this tripe and tell me it sucks, please look at this picture of my boobs. See? I’m pretty. That makes everything I say interesting, right? Right?!?!”

Some of you are wondering if I’m implying in some round about way that no one would read Rockstar Mommy if she was 50lbs overweight and had bad hair. Well, let me put your mind at ease once and for all and say:

That’s exactly what I’m implying.

Before you call me unfair, close her flickr account for a minute and try to read one of her entries. Go on, I dare you. It’s like being transported directly into the middle of a crowd of senior citizens all suffering from alzheimer’s, isn’t it? I mean, the weirdest part is even though you can’t actually hear her voice; you still inexplicably want to jam ice picks in your ears.

But, let’s be real here. I can’t hate Rockstar Mommy for being pretty. Hell, I can’t even hate her for using her looks as a crutch as opposed to actually developing a modicum of talent to carry out her artistic endeavors. I mean, she can’t help it if her mind is made up of nothing more than moth balls, shoe string, and glitter!

What can I fault her for, however, is being so exceedingly insecure that her whole world seems to rise and fall on how many sleaze balls wax poetic about the gorgeousness of her eyes. She is always vying for more and more admirers and nothing vexes her more than being ignored.

Anyone want to see a completely naked picture of her? Quit reading her site. Should everyone comply, I’m sure she’ll post some ‘tasteful nudes’ by the end of the week.

Lest you think I am exaggerating the attention whore-y-ness of this particular attention whore, let me kindly refer you to the posts she wrote the week following Mother’s Day. (Start with May 14 and work your way forward) Apparently, her husband (That poor, sad sack) didn’t make a big enough deal about her contributions to the household on Mother’s Day and the end result was a week-long temper tantrum that would have made Veruca Salt say, “Jesus Christ, quit your fucking whining already.”

Oh, what’s that you say? I already tricked you into reading one of Rockstar Mommy’s posts and you are so not falling for it again? Well, let me sum the posts up for you anyway. They went something like this:

“APPRECIATE ME! APPRECIATE ME! WAAHHHH! APPRECIATE ME!”

When Rockstar Mommy is not droning on and on about her shopping expeditions (Did she buy a bikini? Please say she bought a bikini!) or punishing her husband for failing to worship her enough (You’re doing the chores for a week now, waaahhh!), she’s busy figuring out clever ways to tell us how much other people think she’s hot. (Check out May 23)

It truly is fascinating reading.

OK, so it’s not. Much like the rest of you, I’m only in it for the potential nudie shot. So what do you all say? Who wants to quit reading with me for a week a see how long it takes her to break down and post it? My bet is we’ll get skimpy lingerie shots within 3 days. On the other hand, if we manage to withhold attention for an entire month, we might actually see some bush. Hell, in 6 months, I bet we can convince her to change her entire site into straight porn.

The possibilities are endless!

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4 Responses to Rockstar Mommy: Utterly Brilliant? Or Dumb Attention Whore? Well, It Depends on Whether or Not You’ve Seen Her Pictures. All 10 Thousand of Them.

  1. violentacrestalk.com » Blog Archive » VA: Rockstar Mommy: Utterly Brilliant? Or Dumb Attention Whore? Well, It Depends on Whether or Not You’ve Seen Her Pictures. All 10 Thousand of Them.

    […] Original post: Rockstar Mommy: Utterly Brilliant? Or Dumb Attention Whore? Well, It Depends on Whether or Not You… […]

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    […] Violent Acres » Blog Archive » Rockstar Mommy: Utterly Brilliant? Or Dumb Attention Whore? Well, I… […]

  3. Violent Acres » Blog Archive

    […] Yesterday when I called Rockstar Mommy a shallow, functionally retarded, drama queen, she said that I: “depend on stirring up drama and rumors on the internet to keep her stats up, calling me uncreative and untalented doesn’t come close to hurting my feelings. She attacks people (almost always popular women, imagine that” […]

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