Update Soup: Catchphrase Contest, Pick The Brain, and Death Bunny

May 31st, 2007.

I’ve got a couple of things to say today and I’m going to try to mash them all into a single post because I’m in a lazy sort of mood. Before anyone complains about this post’s general lack of cohesiveness, please just keep in mind that I could have written a story about how I had toast for breakfast and then mulched my flowerbeds. Be glad I haven’t yet stooped that low.

Anyway, I put up a new catchphrase today. As you can see, it’s just another song lyric. The reason for this is not a lot of people entered my catchphrase contest in May. Furthermore, the ones who did submitted catchphrases that didn’t ‘speak’ to me. (Which is a nice way to say they sucked) If anyone wants to submit a catchphrase, feel free. All you have to do is link it back here. You can enter the contest multiple times and should you win, I’ll plug your site for you. Not many people know this, but people who get plugged on this website usually get a phone call from their secret crush and win the lottery within 48 hours. People who don’t get plugged on this website, however, usually get herpes.

Do the right thing.

Speaking of plugging websites, last week a reader actually accused me of only plugging websites I don’t like. He wondered why I never seemed to mention websites I enjoy.

Sheesh. Here on the Internet, you can’t win for losing, can you? I mean, don’t I have 3 links on my right sidebar leading to websites I like? Are those not good enough for you people? I see how it is. NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH! WAH!

Seriously though, since I’m tired of getting my chops busted, I decided to plug a website I sorta like who has not made it onto my permanent links list. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Everyone, meet Pick the Brain.

Pick the Brain is written by John Wesley and I discovered him after he bought an ad on my site. (No, this is not a paid review!) The very first thing I noticed about him is that he kind of looks like one of my ex-boyfriends. And boy o’ boy will I look stupid admitting that should it turn out that John Wesley is gay.

Because I’m generally a negative person, I’m going to start out with a couple of criticisms. Namely, this article. I hate this article. For those of you who don’t feel like clicking, it’s one of those ‘Ways to make your blog popular’ lists. I’m sure you’ve seen the same watered down, bland, bullshit article replicated on various places on the Internet. Notably, the authors of these lists are rarely running wildly popular websites. In John Wesley’s defense, he does seem to be doing better than most. On the other hand, that doesn’t excuse him for giving such bad advice. His article is pretty much a list of 27 different ways you can theoretically kiss some ass.

Too much ass kissing on the Internet is precisely why there’s rarely anything good to read anymore. Too many people are writing to appease the people on their blogroll as opposed to writing things they are passionate about. Their readers can sense their lack of fire and will, ultimately, stop reading. If your website goal is to build an audience consisting of a few thousand people who idly click by your site once a week or so when they’re really bored, by all means, network away. If, on the other hand, you want to build of site with readers who check in every day eager to read what you’ve got to say next and ready to pass it along, ignore lists like these. They’re garbage.

My website is proof that you don’t need to make friends online to get readers, ad income, and book deals. I didn’t network a goddamn thing and I pretty much broke every unofficial rule in the stupid blogging handbook. The end result? My website does significantly better than 90% of the websites who write the ‘Ways to make your blog’ popular lists.

Ironic, no?

To me, a great indicator that I’ve written something decent is when I check my stats and see that I’m getting a few hits from email clients. This tells me that people liked what I said enough to actually pass it along to their friends. I’d rather get 100 hits from yahoo mail than 100,000 hits from another popular website. And trust me, I’ve had both.

In other words, don’t kiss ass to make your website more popular. Kissing ass will KILL YOUR SOUL. And once your soul is dead, your writing will start to suck. And if anyone wants to make fun of me for being emo right now, all I have to say to you is:

SHUT UP! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME! NOW PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE I HAVE A TORI AMOS CD TO LISTEN TO AND I’M BUSY USING MASCARA TO PAINT MY FUCKING EYELIDS SHUT! WAH!

I’m just kidding!

What was I talking about again? Oh, that’s right. John Wesley.

I know it doesn’t seem like I like Mr. Wesley very much because I’ve just sat here and complained…complained….complained about him. But I assure you, that has more to do with my cynical nature than it has to do with him. The reality of the matter is that I kinda get a kick of his site. He recently did an experiment where he went an entire weekend without television which is something I respect. Also, he slams the 8 hour workday and who can’t get on board with an ideology like that?

All in all, John Wesley seems to have a few insights to share and outside of a couple of minor mishaps, he’s been doing it very well. So, check him out.

Lastly, I’d like to leave you all with a quote from my brother because I know how you all just loooooovvee those:

Brother: I made up a song today about a heavy metal bunny rabbit.

V: Let’s hear it.

Brother: *sings*

Death bunny, get back in your hole!
Death bunny is out of control!
Instead of carrots, he eats flesh!
Instead of lettuce, he likes sex!

I’m sorry, but I think my brother’s ‘Death Bunny’ song is fucking hysterical. I’m trying to convince him to finish the song and make a little music video to go with it which I would like to post on this website. However, something like that also seems like a hell of lot of effort to put into something that only 5 people in the world may think was funny. So, I’m going to leave this one up to my readers. If it seems like there is enough interest in a Death Bunny music video, I’ll get it going. If not, oh well.

That’s all I’ve got for today, guys. See ya tomorrow.

(A few seconds after I posted this, someone added onto my brother’s ‘Death Bunny’ song. You can read it here. Hey! I giggled.)

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