If You Are a Stay-At-Home-Mom without Interests Outside of Your Kids, Hobbies, or Marketable Skills, You are NOT a Feminist

August 22nd, 2007.

If one more stay-at-home-Mom tells me they are a Feminist because they chose their lives (all by themselves!), I am going to pour battery acid in my own eyes. In the past 24 hours, I have heard the following asinine statement phrased in multiple ways:

“V! Feminism is about choice! It doesn’t matter if all we do is go to the gymboree and make pancakes in the shape of hearts! We made the choice and that’s all that matters!

Listen people, in a lifetime, we can choose to do a lot of things. For example, I can choose to sleep under bridges and blow homeless men for aluminum cans. I could choose to masturbate with peanut butter and store my umbrella in my vagina. This doesn’t make me sane. Likewise, if you choose to sit around watching episodes of the ‘Bachelor’ instead of enriching your mind, you are not a Feminist. You are a silly ninny who is pissing away her life, but can’t admit it. You’re simply masking your failures as ‘choices’ because it helps you to sleep at night.

I was actually watching ‘The Colbert Report’ a while back ago and he had one of the old school Feminists on the show. For the life of me, I can’t remember her name, but she was on the show promoting her book. Anyway, Stephan Colbert trumpeted the housewife battle cry about ‘Feminism being about choice’ to her after she insisted that women should be taking a more active role in society. She replied (paraphrased), “Of course I want women to have choices. But I also want them to make the right choice.”

As far as I’m concerned, she nailed it. There are right choices in life and there are wrong choices. Because most of the women who use the ‘Feminism is about choice’ excuse are bored stay-at-home-Moms, I am going to illustrate my point in a way they will understand. (Read: I am going talk about their kids.)

Pop Quiz!

A. Your 2 year old child is sitting next to an uncovered light socket. You are on your way right over to cover it with one of those little plastic dealies, but sitting right in front of her is a stuffed teddy and a wet metal fork. Your child is about to choose one of these items as a play toy. Which item is the correct choice?

B. Your 19 year old son is in the process of choosing his future career. He has narrowed his decision down to either becoming a Doctor or becoming a male prostitute. What profession is the correct choice?

C. Your 7 year old daughter goes to school one day and finds someone sitting in her seat. She can either ask this person nicely to move or she can stab the kid in the neck with a number 2 pencil. Which choice should she make?

You see? There are wrong choices and there are right choices in life. Once upon a time, you had a choice to either meaningfully contribute to your community or to spend your life playing taxi driver to your kids. Even though you called yourself a Feminist, you ended up making the wrong choice.

Let’s end the charade, women. We either need to go out into this world and make an impact or we need to forfeit our right to vote, get back into the kitchen, and make a goddamn peach pie.

And will you crybabies quit making this all about money? I’ve read comment after comment where some PMSing retard defensively sniffed, “Just because I don’t want to work a corporate job for tons of cash doesn’t mean I’m stupid!”

Of course it doesn’t make you stupid to not want to run a corporation. What makes you stupid is your total lack of reading comprehension skills, because I specifically used examples that didn’t condemn women to cubicles.

You can find stuff to do on this planet that has nothing with the zeros in your bank account! You can develop passions in life that aren’t necessarily jobs!

You could get into sports. You could plant a garden. You could volunteer. You could draw. You could paint. You could travel. You could become a gourmet chef and write your own recipe book. You could get into physical fitness. You could train dogs. You could act in a play. You could spend 1 hour a week at the learning annex teaching a class how to make the perfect fucking thanksgiving center piece, for Christ’s sakes! JUST DO SOMETHING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR CHILDREN OR THE TELEVISION SET OR YOUR GODDAMN HAIR! DO SOMETHING, YOU LAZY SELF INDULGENT BITCHES! DO SOMETHING!

But my guess is 90% of the women who complained about my article yesterday will never do much of anything at all outside of gossiping on the phone with their equally boring girlfriends about how big their butts are while their children sit in another room watching cartoons.

Stay-at-home-Mom’s who refuse to do anything else aren’t empowered Feminists. They’re just lazy.

***

This guy made a few good points here.

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