Calm Down, No One is Stalking Me

October 19th, 2007.

Seriously, people, you need to calm down. I’m OK. I’m not in any danger. As of today, not a single person has come to my house, called me on the telephone, or sent me threatening emails. Nobody actually tracked me down and no one is stalking me.

I appreciate that some of you are worried about me, I really do, but it’s totally unnecessary. Nothing bad has happened to me. And even if someone did track me down (You know, for real this time), it still wouldn’t be a big deal. After all, I’m a grown fucking woman and I know how to take care of myself. I may be immature. I may be hypocritical. I may be mean and heartless and tactless. But I am also a fighter. So trust me, if anyone ever came to my house looking to cause me actual physical harm, I could handle it.

There. Do you all feel better yet?

No?

Then how about this? Just to prove once and for all how utterly unconcerned I am about these latest shenanigans; I hereby present to you my latest creative masterpiece:

To be continued. I promise.

[Image edited at request of mother]

The youngsters featured belong to Karen Rani and some chick I’ve never even heard of until yesterday. Both of these women seem overly fond of spreading around fiction as if it were fact, however, that wasn’t my inspiration for this picture. Instead, I attempted to capture the true essence of their character in my parody. Remember, if you laugh, it means you have no soul. Then again, souls are for pussies.

Just for fun, Myroid decided to whip up something hilarious for Jada, too.

myroid.jpg

Considering that I happen to have in my possession a wedding picture featuring a brunette little boy in a tuxedo which I really just need an excuse to use, I’m going to say Jada got off pretty lucky here today.

Thus ends our lesson of the day. Despite what you may have previously thought, it’s really not that easy to intimidate someone who has nothing to lose, nothing to hide, and also happens to be a lot more clever than you.

Class dismissed.

Similar Articles


4 Responses to Calm Down, No One is Stalking Me

  1. VA: Calm Down, No One is Stalking Me

    […] Original post: Calm Down, No One is Stalking Me […]

  2. Parenting Without A License »

    […] I don’t usually wade into the whole internet fray, preferring to stand on the sidelines to watch the fun over getting down and dirty myself.  (Ok, there was that one time on Funny Mom’s blog, but honestly, that was an anomally.  And she deserved it.  ahem)  Today though, I’m going to take a break from my endless navel gazing and wade right in, adjectives swinging.  Because of this. […]

  3. anonyblogging | Leaf Counting

    […] in a world where police are able to unswirl a pedophiles face, out and stalk (maybe)an outspoken anonyblogger, and get you fired.  I think it is safe to say that technology leaves a […]

  4. A, Oh, Way To Go, Ohio.

    […] call her and say “while I know you don’t have to, I’m asking you, woman to woman, please take down the picture of my child.” and then thank […]