Adventures in Volunteering Part 2

March 18th, 2008.

I woke up this morning to this email in my inbox:

Hello [Rescue Organization name deleted]!

Could you please tell me how I would go about adopting Nelson? I have been looking for a puppy to adopt because my 3 year old son is afraid of the dark and I think if he had a dog to sleep with, it would comfort him and make him feel less lonely.


Dear Yet Another Retarded Parent:

1. You should never leave a 3 year old child alone with a dog. Never ever. No exceptions.

2. Somehow, I highly doubt putting what will be perceived as a hulking beast with sharp, monster-like teeth that glitter ever so slightly in the moonlight with your child in his room at night will ease his anxiety about the dark.

3. Have you considered how much work is involved in training and caring for what you are planning to turn into a glorified night light? By the way, have you considered a night light? They are only $2.37 at Walmart, do not need to be fed or house trained, and have zero chance of mauling your unsupervised kid to death while you think of more ways to avoid parenting your child.

4. You are obviously too stupid to raise a kid, so it is doubtful we would give you a puppy. Don’t bother filling out an application.

Best wishes,
[Name of rescue organization deleted]

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