Ferguson’s Down Syndrome Adventures: His Missing Blue Crayon

September 5th, 2008.

By: IamRob
Illustrations: Ken

Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers or bakers, or candlestick makers. A rapist or a dancer…or die early from cancer. Some will be born with one kidney, one ear, one lung, or have fetal alcohol syndrome…from a drunk mother on rum.

Some kids are born without a home. In Ferguson’s case, an extra chromosome.

Whatever the reason, in the bleak winter season, Ferguson arose, with blood coming out of his nose.

“Mommy I dying I dying,” cried the young little child.

“Oh it’s just a bloody nose, pumpkin. I keep telling you not to stick your finger in there.”

“It’s where gets fingerpaints!”

“No, you buy finger paint at the store. You don’t get it from your nose. Why don’t you go play with your coloring book and crayons?”

Ferguson listened to his mother, and waddled to the playroom to find the best book ever.

One like no other. It was Dora the Explorer, he sure knew how to have fun. He reached for the blue crayon, to color in the sun.

“MOM!!” He screamed with great angst!

“Yes, my darling little knickernoodle?!”


“You’ll just have to look for it, pookitten.”

So off he went with great worry and haste. The world was his oyster. No time to waste. The timing was right, the story’s begun, for the journey of Ferguson, and his missing crayon.

“Cwayon…CWAYON!” Ferguson shouted into holes in the ground. Hoping it would turn up, safe and sound.

“I found its! I found its!” He exclaimed with such joy!

Could that be it? Could he have won? No, it was just a dandelion.

Ferguson gets filled with stress, while his pants get filled with mess.

He pressed on, determined like the junkie, he meets up with a cat, by the name of Ms. Chunky. Minding her business, Chunky quietly ate, with Ferguson assuming his crayon was cat bait.


Ferguson began to chew the paw off the cat, while the cat clawed his eye, and flew off like a bat.

He marched along a bit, not phased by the blitz. He then stood and did nothing, like the Jews of Auschwitz. Contemplating his path, he quickly discovers, a hole in the ground, completely uncovered.

“MY CWAYON IS THERE!” He says with a snap. Yet he finds out the hole is in fact a bear trap.

Did this stop Ferguson?


Of course not you fool, he hobbles along, with a face full of drool. He digs in the dirt, like a dog with a bone. He picks what appears to be a metal pine cone.

“MY CWAYON IS HEYUH!” He gleefully sings! He pulls the crayon, which looks like a pin.

The explosion was loud for this little renegade, what he thought was a crayon, was an army grenade.

Depressed he was, so Ferguson returned home. He cried to his mother. He cried all alone.

“I want WED cwayon!”

“You mean your blue crayon,” his mother consoled.


“Awwww, my poor little darling.”

As he sobbed and sobbed, he rants and rants, yet something strange fell out of his pants.

“MY CWAYON!” He said!

The two were happy and celebrated. He even messed his pants again, he was so elated.

And that was the story of the Ferguson rhyme, his blue crayon was in his pants the whole time!


IamRob of Freak Safari can best be described in two words:  Internet Cancer.  His articles not only infect you like readable tumors, but he amazingly finds a way to make you happy about it.  In other words:  It’s a good read for people who have no desire to go to heaven.

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47 Responses to Ferguson’s Down Syndrome Adventures: His Missing Blue Crayon

  1. VA: Ferguson’s Down Syndrome Adventures: His Missing Blue Crayon

    […] Original post: Ferguson’s Down Syndrome Adventures: His Missing Blue Crayon […]

  2. XM

    Wow. Whoever wrote this is one sick fuck.

  3. Hez

    Wow. It’s not funny as much as it’s deranged. I don’t kno how to feel about this actually.

  4. Bozz

    HAHAHA this IamRob is one sick bastard. I wonder if he ever got any hugs as a child.

  5. Chantilinitini

    This is disturbing and wrong. You are a heartless man.

  6. Zed

    IamRob is a cancer on the prostate of society.

  7. Elizabeth Miller

    IamRob? Isn’t he the guy who had that big falling out with Tucker Max?

  8. Mrs Parks

    Lord help me, I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.
    Sick, I am a very sick woman.

  9. Elizabeth Miller

    I don’t know. I checked out the rest of the site. “Children’s Christmas Toys’ made me choke on my chocolate milk.

  10. drquality.com » Blog Archive » Ferguson’s Down Syndrome Adventures: His Missing Blue Crayon

    […] Original post by Friday Night Fights: Lies – TalkLeft: The Politics Of Crime […]

  11. Matt`

    It’s sick and wrong and horrible and I love it.

    Well played sir.

  12. TacoKisses

    This is awful and offensive, What is wrong with you people?

  13. Viola

    …? What happened to children being srs business? Does Down Syndrome not count?

    I’m not going to go cry about it, but I’m a little confused. First the comments are activated, and now we have comics about retarded children? I would rather be reading something that V wrote. An explanation for the change of heart regarding other people posting on her site would be a start.

  14. Vy

    @Viola: I believe V sold ViolentAcres and now another person owns the site. I’m not entirely sure, as I too am a little foggy on the details. But this is what seems to have taken place.

    And this is a pretty sick comic. Amusing, but sick all the same.

  15. Izkata

    Well, whatever happened, this was nowhere near as good as V’s posts…

  16. SunSpotBaby

    This reads like something a junior high school boy would write to impress his buddies in the special ed class…..

  17. TacoKisses

    ^^^exactly. It’s so offensive!

  18. Hikaru Katayamma

    A truly sick and twisted story. I enjoyed it greatly.


    Ja ne!

  19. ame i.

    Of course it’s wrong, that’s why it is so frackin funny.

  20. TacoKisses

    ame i. Maybe you shouldn’t be here. If you think V’s writing is great and this is acceptable, you should be off somewhere else.

    As someone who knows the disabled, I couldn’t even read this without crying.

  21. lynn

    If I want to read shit like this I’ll go to 4chan.

  22. Bob

    VA used to be funny, but now…not so much. I don’t see any real humor in this latest post. I guess someone bought the domain and it’s not going to be so hot from now on. No biggie…there are always other hunorous bloggy fish in the sea.

  23. Elvis

    It’s official.

    VA has jumped the shark.

  24. Matza

    I thought it was funny. Pretty solid. Elvis, for someone who’s bashing people’s creativity, your user name isn’t really indicative of being creative yourself.

  25. Elvis

    Try harder, dipshit. Surely you can do better that that.

    Or, maybe you can’t, in which case, perhaps your special ed resource teacher can help?

  26. Matza

    “better that that”

    Well done. Thanks for putting me in my place.

  27. Myroid

    This story is full of win. You old fogeys need to lighten up.

  28. Shadowbird


  29. Matza

    You people need to fucking get over your self righteous selves. The piece was funny. I’m sorry you have your panties in a twist but stop being stupid. Or v will turn comments off again.

  30. Aza

    I found this to be absolutely hilarious. I am enjoying the guest bloggers. ^^;

  31. John Smith

    I love this blog, but the guest entries always suck.

  32. Matza

    You’re a fag…

  33. Alex

    I completely understand why V had comments disabled for so long.

  34. THOR

    FWIW, I support the removal and discontinuation of commenting.

  35. Goldie

    Wow, this rhymes. This post would’ve been a huge success on Newgrounds BBS. On VA, it looks a lil out of place. As do the comments. Even if the site hasn’t changed hands yet, it’s suffering from severe abuse and neglect.

  36. A Nonny Moose

    I’ve been thinking over the last 24 hours. While I defend V’s writing ability and the stories she’s had to tell, the turn the website has taken of late, is disturbing.

    All power to her if she’s moved on, but I think that if she’s sold this domain, we have a right to know. She’ll probably tell us to frak off 6 ways to Sunday, but selling the domain yet leaving things under the guise of her old reputation is misleading.

    Each to their own for thinking this and “Worst of all Vaginas” is comedy – whatever works for you. But the turn this “comedy” has taken, and the comments being open shows up the worst that is internet society.

  37. Jay

    I like how people like Matza snidely assume everyone who didn’t like this was offended by it. I’ve read things ten times as offensive as this and laughed. That I DIDN’T find this funny given the subject matter is almost impressive. Clumsy rhymes, trying-too-hard jokes and average art – forgive me if I’m not rolling in the fucking aisles. If you thought this was funny, great, but I thought it sucked and as long as comments are enabled I’m going to say so.

  38. Ben

    You probably shouldn’t be making fun of the retarded kid just to piss the mother off, but I have to admit that I almost passed out from lack of oxygen reading Ferguson’s tale. Give me more!

  39. Heaven's Thunder Hammer

    I wasn’t terribly impressed by this… I can see some humor in it, I just didn’t laugh.

  40. Martha

    This was hysterical and I feel so bad for laughing.

    To the person who cried. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  41. Mike

    This wasn’t nearly as offensive as it was just stupid. Bring it to your 8th grade English teacher for revisions and try again.

  42. asriel6

    maybe i’d appreciate it more if it weren’t so hard to make the rhymes work as i read. the meter just didn’t…work. at all.

  43. Mudhut

    This post is retarded.

  44. Teddy

    LOL this is was hysterical…

    since when did V open comments up? More retard stories!

  45. 919

    I feel retarded after reading this post. I’m going to go read some Tucker Max stories now and hope that I earn back a few brain cells.

  46. RantBlogger

    This site is seriously the funniest shit I’ve seen in a long time. This is humour I like: angry, on-the-edge-of-crazy humour.

  47. Pa

    Attractive portion of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to say that I acquire actually loved account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I fulfillment you access constantly rapidly.

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