A Christmas Irony

January 5th, 2009.

This year, Christmas for me included a trip to the hospital.

I woke up Christmas day with a fairly bad headache. Knowing that a trip to my in-laws would likely make said headache worse as opposed to better, I gulped down a few aspirin. Suddenly remembering the entitled shrill of my gluttonous sister in law’s voice, I gulped down a few more.

An hour later and I was fine. My Husband and I stopped at a gas station to fill up the tank before making a trip. Since his family can’t cook worth a shit, we decided to grab a few snacks to fill up on. Better a bag of candy than a dry ass turkey dinner.

In the gas station, I felt a little moisture in my ear. Thinking it was just some leftover shampoo I failed to rinse completely after washing my hair, I absentmindedly wiped it with the tips of my fingers. However, instead of finding shampoo on my hands, my fingers were wet with blood.

“Hey!” I said to my Husband, “My ear is bleeding!”

He came over to check. “Oh my God, does it hurt?”

“No, not at all.”

“Can you hear out of it?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m sure it’s no big deal. It will probably stop by the time we get to your Grandmother’s house.”

I grabbed a tissue so I could periodically mop up the blood. It was bleeding pretty heavily. And unfortunately, 3 hours later, it was still gushing blood. Finally, my in laws convinced my Husband to take me to the emergency room.

One after another, the doctors came in and looked in my ear. One after another, they mused to themselves, “Wow, this is really weird!”

“Uh, is this a big deal?” I asked.

“Well, I’m not sure. Are you sure this has never happened before?”

After being asked that question no less than 10 times, I had a mad urge to answer, “Ok! You got me! This happens to me every day of the week! When I told you ‘no’ before, I was only fooling with you!”

Instead, I said, “I’m sure.”

Finally, a doctor decided to fill my ear with silver nitrate, which I’m pretty sure is the same stuff they use to kill werewolves. Also, the shit hurt like hell. Afterward, the doctor told me to visit my primary care physician and get a full check up.

So, to recap: I went into the hospital completely fine albeit a bloody ear. I came out in tremendous pain with a fucking list of errands to run. And people wonder why I hate going to the fucking Doctor.

The ironic part is I knew why my ear was bleeding; I just couldn’t mention it to the Doctor. I mean, I have spent my whole life claiming that so&so was so annoying they make my ears bleed. In fact, I had said that very sentence that Christmas morning in reference to my sister in law.

I guess Karma decided to teach me a lesson.

Either that or my sister in law has a voodoo doll.

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14 Responses to A Christmas Irony

  1. Rattlecat

    I’m thinking about this one. I’m trying to figure out why you put your own self through that much hell, the pain, the errands, when you could have just told your husband you knew why it was bleeding. If he took you, you could have told the doctors why it was bleeding.

    Why on -earth- would you pretend nothing is wrong? You could have had a boil, a tumor, a polyp, an infection, or worse. You could have had something explode in your head and just die right in front of the doctors and your husband; whilst you were sitting there thinking they’re morons for not knowing what’s wrong with you. :/

  2. Melissa

    As much as I hate being the person on the internet with medical advice, I hope you told the ER doctor that you took too much aspirin. It’s incredibly stupid to take a few, then take a few more – they’re not tic tacs. Aspirin can exacerbate bleeding or clotting problems and could have caused the bleeding from your ear. Hopefully you do follow up with your regular doctor and instead of blaming it on irony or voodoo or pretending like it wasn’t happening, are honest about the meds you took.

  3. Susan

    Oh, Rattlecat, it’s tough sussing out the sarcasm on the internet.

  4. Neil

    It’s a good job you overdosed on asprin and not paracetamol, then a bleeding ear would have been the least of your worries >.>

  5. VA: A Christmas Irony

    […] Original post: A Christmas Irony […]

  6. squeaky

    It could have just been a bloody nose where the blood backed up out of your ear because of the way you slept or something, that’s what I’m thinking since it didn’t hurt. If it doesn’t hurt then there’s probably nothing wrong.

    Well at least you got away from the sea donkey = D

  7. iAMme

    In all this time in the ED, did they never take a CT Scan? Seems to me that would normally be #1 on the list of an injury consisting of blood “gushing” from your ear.

  8. Mary

    Uh… I call Shenanegans. Or at the very least I call You’re Telling The Truth And Went To a VERY SHITTY ED.

    Why no CT scan for a bleeding ear? Why silver nitrate when there was no rule-out procedure (foreign body, tumor, etc) or an attempt to locate the source of the bleeding?

    And you let blood gush from your ear for hours?

    Okay, whatever. I don’t buy it but hey, I don’t think you give a shit anyway so…

  9. squeaky

    Every ER (ED, wtf?) is shitty. Seriously, too many people and not enough doctors, unless you go to some private fancy hospital I guess.

    When I went to my doctor with mono they told me to eat crackers. Seriously. The next week I was rushed to the ER half dead. Some doctors don’t give a shit.

    And for the bleeding thing why not? She wasn’t in pain. It’s a pain in the ass to go to the ER most people wouldn’t go unless a limb was severed.

  10. mollyrobin

    I agree with Squeaky….seriously. My vote goes to the voodoo doll theory. I had a tumor rupture, causing a massive tissue infection, and the ER gave me a Xanax. WTF?

    Hope it turned out to be nothing…..

  11. Jennies

    Doctors are people, too. They give crappy advice. And when you go to the ER, you’re getting your advice from some moron who probably spent half of med school stoned and/or drunk.

    It’s almost not even worth going to the doctor – sometimes I seriously ponder whether or not doctors at times would rather start seeing people die versus helping them using the tired excuse of there’s too many patients and not enough doctors that really give half a crap.

    If you can afford great health care, then congratulations 🙂 Most of the unwashed masses can’t.

  12. anastasia

    one word: LOL.

    I know you don’t like one word comments.
    But that made my day.

  13. Mary

    I take offense to that line of thought.
    Most of the time people go to the ED (Emergency DEPARTMENT, Squeaky, because it’s more than just one ROOM, hence ED and not ER. That’s what they call where I work, anyway.) for shit that can wait until the next day to see their PCD. (Primary Care Doctor, Squeaky.)

    As far as not being able to afford healthcare? Okay, believe that if you want to. In my experience more people spnd money on 100inch HDTVs and crap like that rather than pay for their own healthcare, because they expect the nanny-state US to give it to them. So you get “shitty” care in the ED because numbskulls with “migraines” or “dental pain” or “It hurts when I do this” come in and clog the system so that the Drunken, Stoned ED doctors and nurses who are bogged down with 16 other my toe hurts patients plus the traumas and heart attacks coming in can’t pat your head and give you a hug and work some miracle of modern medicine for you.

    Oh, you know, it’s time for my bong hits and then more homework to do. All in the name of giving people shitty care and Xanaxes.

  14. Northsidebill

    I went to a hospital ER thats less than 2 miles from my house with a swollen sack area and a 100.1 degree fever. They ran a bag of Vancomycin through me and said they didnt know what it was and sent me home with a vicodin, telling me to come back if the fever got any worse.

    I slept off the vicodin and 5 hours later had a fever of 105.4, the swelling having tripled. Turns out it was a full blown case of MRSA and damn near killed me. The fever went to 107 and I woke up in a hot tub filled with ice. 2 weeks later I was released the day they found out it was MRSA, having been kept on the surgery recovery ward. Luckily I couldnt much leave my room, had I taken a walk around the floor I could have killed everyone with any sort of compromised immune system.

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