What I Think About Extremejohn.com

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Awhile back ago, I signed up on reviewme.com for a lark. I figured most of the people who paid for other sites to review them expected positive reviews or, in the very least, constructive criticism. However, I thought it would be absolutely hysterical for someone to expect that from me only to publicly get ripped a new asshole instead. Just the thought of someone plunking down their hard earned cash for 200 words of pure vitriol courtesy of yours truly tickled me pink.

For the first time ever, I sorely underestimated the intelligence level of the average American blogger and I failed to entice a single person to foolishly pay me for an online tongue lashing…

until now.

Everyone, allow me to introduce you to ExtremeJohn.com. EJ (as he likes to call himself) is literally the only moron on the Internet who was actually brain dead enough to pay me (ME!) for a review. When I was first was notified of his desire, I was hesitant. Surely, his site must be the best goddamn site on the Internet for him to have the nuts to step to me, right?

Wrong.

Turns out Ej really is just that dumb. Fat, orange, and dumb.

Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

Oh and Chris Brown here’s a big Giant EFFFFF UUUUU for all the guys that would love the chance to Hit Rhianna and by hit we sure don’t mean beating her ass on the side of the road by a Lamborghini.. EFFF UU!

If you don’t have the guts to type out the word FUCK, then you are pussy. If it’s a matter of not liking the word, then don’t use it. I’m fine with that. As far as I’m concerned, the word ‘fuck’ is an acquired taste anyway. But don’t you dare write some meandering, adolescent tripe like ‘eff uuu’ and expect me to take anything you have to say seriously.

Also: you. Your. You’re. Learn the difference. One mistake is a typo. Constant, never ending, misuse of these words makes you look like a ridiculous fucking moron. Jesus Christ, man. You have kids. How will they learn to read and comprehend if you can’t?

Lastly, don’t say things like ‘shit stain’ and then toss words like ‘dreadful’ in there just for fun. Pick a fucking voice or else you end up sounding like you have a bad case of split personality disorder.

That’s all I have for constructive criticism.

Other than that, there’s not much to say about EJ simply because he doesn’t have much to say. His website basically boils down to vague, monosyllabic, grunting about his likes and dislikes. “Me Like Tanning.” “Me no like hitting!” “Pot rules.” “Smoking drools.”

Those aren’t exact quotes, but that’s pretty much the extent of it. There is no depth. No passion. No thought. No reason to read whatsoever. The end result is utter and complete boredom. Reading EJ is akin to being fucked in the ass with a hot poker while a small Mexican boy pisses in your face. It’s so boring it’s painful.

The cherry on the shit pie is EJ tries to make this all OK by periodically posting pictures of coked out sluts who look like they’ve all been molested by the same Uncle. It’s not OK, man. It’s seriously not OK.

EJ very briefly won me over with pictures of his dog that is admittedly very cute and literally the only bright spot on a very dark and decaying blog.

If you’re slightly masochistic or into beat up looking whores with flabby asses, check out ExtremeJohn.com here.

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47 Responses to What I Think About Extremejohn.com

  1. Magnus

    Haha. Looks like EXTREME (Harold and Kumar anyone?) John is overcompensating for a small dick.

    Please update more V! I miss your insightful anecdotes.

  2. DjangoDurango

    Who is Extreme John that he must clarify that this is his “official” blog?

  3. Connochaetes

    The sad thing about EJ is that he doesn’t seem to believe in the persona he’s putting on. It’s all bad writing about a subculture he doesn’t know and pictures of girls who get reserved and stiff around the fattie who’s buying the rounds.

  4. Magnus

    @Connochaetes, yeah, for such an extreme guy John seems like a huge pussy.

  5. Fuck Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck | JoelTheGreat.com

    […] quote part of an article Violent Acres: “If you don’t have the guts to type out the word FUCK, then you are […]

  6. gary

    I gotta say, that bulldog IS pretty cute.

  7. Extreme John

    There we go, Mr. Violent Panties decides to do something useful for a minute. Congrats. Let’s clear up a few things that your confused about, and no I won’t be addressing your fantasies of being jammed in the ass with a hot poker either. You can save that for your little black dress parties.

    With that said you dumb fuck, if you can not honestly see why I had you review my site the real stupid fuck has already stood up. Next.

    You can comment on the fat whores with flabby ass’s and whatever else, we understand.. You don’t have the beans to post pictures of the chix you roll with and it’s because each one of them is probably a tranny with an 8″ cock. Your right, my bitches don’t measure up to yours…. Mine actually have clits not dicks.

    You can also rip the way I write all you want, Im more than comfortable reading what some fuck I don’t know thinks about my site. The street is much like your personal life, it works both ways. I don’t typically read your shit, you don’t typically read mine. More importantly I wouldn’t be caught dead reading yours…. and you wouldn’t be caught dead reading mine. Works out perfect, the only difference is you claim to be a writer…. I never claim to be a writer, I am an Entrepreneur….. Your the one who is suppose to be a writer, key… SUPPOSE to be.

    As far as winning you over, please I wouldn’t want to win you over. Write reviews on my site, yes… Pick the weeds in my garden, yes… Answer questions, not so much. Win you over, not at all. Your exactly what I expected you would be, winning you over couldn’t be the furthest thing from my fucking mind.

    As far as what my kids might think there you little keyboard warrior, that might be something to get my attention. Attention you probably wouldn’t want, everyone expects you to be classless, fucking ignorant and slightly retarded, thats o.k… I would suggest keeping kid comments or even mentioning kids out of your little public displays of getting back at the world.

    Last but not least, trust me I do comprehend and I comprehended clearly. At best, you try to dress up real pretty for your site here but in reality your still the same dark jacket, eye liner wearing, world hating pillow bitter you were in High School. Just think I don’t need to be paid for my reviews, I just do them for the fuck of it… when it’s worth my time, there isn’t even anything here worth reviewing. Better yet if you ever get some time there keyboard warrior feel free to look me up, we can check into just how much of a fat orange fuck I am and better yet we can test those little black painted finger nails of yours out and see how brittle they might be.

    Fuckin hysterical and worth every single penny.

  8. Extreme John

    Magnus and Connochaetes, you two fuckin morons really are not worth responding too. Remove your tongues from his ass a little bit and you might be able to use your eyes to see something, or better yet come up with your own opinions instead of sucking them out of someone else’s ass.

  9. Extreme John

    DjangoDurango… Important enough to have you asking about it.

  10. KBlock

    John, you’re boring.

  11. Megan

    Uh-oh. Someone is extremely butt-hurt.

  12. Extreme John

    KBlock… I don’t give a fuck what you think about me, what makes you think im slightly concerned about what you think?

    Megan… So cute.

  13. KBlock

    And obsessed with himself!

  14. Chriscim

    Normally I don’t care about the rants about other blogs…but this one is actually pretty funny. The comments are even better! Keep going John, you’re only making yourself look like an idiot.

  15. gary

    Yea VA! Let’s see the chicks YOU roll wit! I bet you get all kinds of hot chicks being a dude and all. Damn nigga, you fucking played his ass John.

    You better sit the fuck down VA. You’re not half the man John is.

    *giggle*

  16. Megan

    Why thank you, John! *bats eyelashes*

    V, the things you hide from your readers. You’re a man now? Well, I never…

  17. Vechs

    BAHAHAHAHAHA! God damn I love you V, look at that raging case of butthurt you caused. You know you hit the target when the git comes to cry in the comments section here. EJ is bound and determined to be the biggest lolcow he can be. *milk milk milk*

  18. Extreme John

    Oh shit, I didn’t realize you were a fucking Grandmother…. Hah I will leave it alone.

    As for Chriscim and Vechs you two idiots can say what you want, keep in mind. I bought the spot, I play a great game of keep alive and it’s a record day for subscriptions over at EJ….. So laugh, laugh until your little testies finally drop I got exactly what I wanted however since you are both clearly simple minded readers your too blind to see what really went on here.

  19. OMFG

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    I knew there were uneducated people in the world….but I think we have hit the jackpot here.

  20. DjangoDurango

    I’m am extremely pleased with the way things are progressing, especially considering that Extreme John paid for it to happen.

  21. eepiphanies

    “Reading EJ is akin to being fucked in the ass with a hot poker while a small Mexican boy pisses in your face. It’s so boring it’s painful.”

    This is painful because of boredom?

  22. Megan

    From his Twitter:

    “is laughing at all of the little VA disciples that I pissed off today. Keep coming, love you bitches.”

    Uh… do you hear that? It’s the sound of us laughing and the sound of you raging. Dude, how delusional can you be?

  23. Magnus

    Do people actually follow that boob on twitter?

  24. LadyL

    “You don’t have the beans to post pictures of the chix you roll with and it’s because each one of them is probably a tranny with an 8″ cock. Your right, my bitches don’t measure up to yours…. Mine actually have clits not dicks.”

    Wow. Clearly I’ve been judging myself and everyone I know on the wrong rubric this whole time. What I really should have been doing is checking the gender specific anatomy of my friends and associates. And if they do not pass muster, I will have to go out and hire persons with the correct appendages to dance around me scantily clad (for further reassurance of their correct genitalia). It is clearly better to pay people to hang out with you in order to ensure they are the proper gender than to actually have friends whose genital status you may not know.

    Wait….what?

  25. Erin

    I’m surprised nobody’s made fun of the “There’s Something About Mary” hairdo yet.

  26. mindofspaz

    I’m sure he’s very much enjoying the traffic this has sent him.

    Way more than if you said you loved his shit.

    Could you give me a horrible review so I can get a big bump in traffic?

    Make sure you refer to reading my site as worse than some horrible torture that you never experienced.

    Thanks in advance.

  27. Jackie

    Extreme John:

    “… what makes you think im slightly concerned about what you think?”

    The fact that you’re here and OFTEN says everything about how much you care.

  28. Extreme John

    Ahhh finally got a chance to get on here today and read all the sexy things my puppets have to say. Jackie, I will give you a quick second.. Sadly your right I have checked here a few times today, I just never had the chance to actually look at anything because it’s been a busy day around the empire. Thanks for playing though.

    Now on to the rest of my little sexy freaks, look…………………….. continued at… haha

  29. Extreme John

    hey Jackie while I make this the most commented post ever on Violent Acres I will be sure to make a little post for you each time I stop by, regardless if I actually read or not. Maybe I will give you a little log to read so you dont have to sit and wait and wonder if my arrival will be soon.

    EJ was here.

  30. Jay

    Guys, what he wants is attention and you’re giving it to him.

  31. Magnus

    I can’t believe this dude has kids- bringing the next generation of wife beaters and convicts up into the world

  32. ericcire

    Am I the only one to see the humor in VA ripping ANYONE’S bad grammar or spelling?

  33. lolno

    I WANT TO TOUCH THE LOLCOW’S UTTERS TOO. ):

    *milk milk milk*

  34. jdrama83

    A few days ago I posted something about him sullying the gene pool and he fired off this email.

    from John Bermudez
    to jdrama83@gmail.com
    date Fri, Feb 13, 2009 at 7:32 AM
    subject Hey Asshole
    mailed-by gmail.com

    Since you want to be a keyboard warrior and you also want to cross the line when it comes to mentioning kids. Let’s take this to a different level instead of all this typing back and forth, so silly, especially since Im so uninspired… hahah fucking homo.

    Hows this I will buy you a nice shiny plane ticket from Washington to right here in Florida, we can take plenty of pictures and Ill even let you try to fix my hair for me? I mean all of this silly nonsense typing like we are on My Space… Let’s meet up and talk about it, my expense no sweat I will be more than happy to post the pictures from our meeting.
    —————–
    from jdrama83
    to John Bermudez
    date Fri, Feb 13, 2009 at 2:11 PM
    subject Re: Hey Asshole
    mailed-by gmail.com

    Cool, will you fly me round trip or just one way? I’d love to see Miami, but not on my own dime. Also I saw you own a limo company or something, wanna hook me up with some airport pickup?

    Lots of Love,
    Dan
    ——————

    I’m really looking forward to Florida, but he hasn’t replied yet. 🙁

  35. acehigh88

    Its hilarious, he paid you to expose what a twat he really is.
    Watch out guys, I hear his whores can get pretty ugly.

  36. DjangoDurango

    Well, Jay, he did PAY for it. It would be wrong not to give it to him.

  37. melysah

    I’m more offended by that hair than by anything he’s posted on his blog or by any comment he’s left so far. I can only imagine the amount of damage all that hairspray has done to the ozone layer. That’s just cruel, man. Don’t make the rest of the world suffer for your failed attempt at the Eraserhead do’.

  38. Myroid

    Anyone else think of a giant baby carrot with the line, “Fat, orange, and dumb”?

    http://www.myroidtypecomics.com/otherpics/carrot.JPG

  39. JoeTheEngineer

    I was going to post on EJ’s site, but then I realized that nothing I could say to him would make his life any worse than it already is.

    But can I make his life better? No. Well…maybe if I sent him money for the penis enlargement surgery. But he’d probably just drop it on booze for his r-tard friends who text in the background when whores are swapping VD on the stripper pole (who wouldn’t want to watch that train wreck?)

    No. The only thing that I could possibly say to EJ to make the *world* a better place, and to give his kid a chance at a life not involving getting smacked around by pimps and Johns (pun intended), is to offer him one piece of advice from Rippy the Razor: it’s down the block, not across the street. http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp08312004.shtml

    Do us all a favor Mr. Extreme; kill yourself.

  40. Rockfairy

    Lol the comments are by far more entertaining than the orginal post.

    I actually felt bad for John while reading V’s post because I thought he seriously was just a delusional person. Now I see he’s just an act. A clown for us to laugh at. So sad to hear he’s pro-created.

  41. Extreme John

    Start at the top to make it simple for the kiddies here.

    Jay… Thank you for trying to help them. That is nice of you, I hope they appreciate it.

    Magnus you show how trailer trash you are, each and every time you attack innocent kids or spew trash like that. I could only hope in life that people like you stay in your trailer park far away from the real world.

    jdrama (DAN, DANNY, DANNY BOY, DANIELLE, DANIEL) I understand your probably not very educated, however I did in fact reply to you. I will do so again right here so that everyone can be sure of it. >>>

    Dan, I would be more than happy to supply you with a ONE WAY ticket, you can fly your own broke ass home. Send me details of where to send the contract so I can be sure you get off the plane where your suppose to. Look forward to seeing you real soon. – EJ

    acehigh88 Hahahaha “Twat” thats a good one, what are you 90?

    melysah haha silly slut hairspray? The hair? Again? Have you not learned from the morons before you, thats about the easiest you can go is by saying something about my hair. When will you morons realize there isn’t anything YOUR going to say about me that I wouldn’t be more than happy to say about myself. Go pet a Dolphin, buy a Prius or better yet read a book and come up with some creativity. You saying shit about my hair is like me saying something about your sex life.

    RockFAIRY….. hahahaha holy shit… rockFAIRY.. I am delusional and I also made a great fuckin lass clown… Wanna know why?? Because unlike you and most everyone here, I have no fear of being laughed at, I have no fear of being judged and I certainly have no fear over anything any of you are going to say or do for that matter. So from this Delusional Clown to the little rockFAIRY, I can assure you I am no act and if you weren’t too busy playing follow the leader you might actually know that. hahaha sorry… rockFAIRY. Precious.

    See you puppets soon, stay safe.

  42. mcgrimus

    Okay, okay, we get it, you’re EXXXTREME. You would never waste your time reading a book, wouldn’t be caught dead driving a Prius, and would rather punch a dolphin in its effing bottle nose than pet it. Now let’s move on to something more serious and less extreme, like professional wrestling.

  43. beatheshitoutame

    I would just like to say…I did not go to this fine gentleman’s website as I am sure that is exactly what the fucker wanted. I am not a masochist.

  44. kidcanuck

    Extreme John,

    Let me start by saying:
    -I live in an average house, and I work to pay for my car and some of my education.
    -I’m a student, in the middle of getting a perfectly decent education.
    -I can say “you’re a twat” and still be 20, because you are, and I am.
    -I’m afraid of Dolphins, I drive a Volkswagen, and I read more than I would like.
    – I’m perfectly satisfied with my sex life.
    -My testies have dropped, both of them.
    -I’d post pictures of the “chix [I] roll with”, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Besides, I’m interested to see what kind of distinction you will draw between women and transexuals this time. Oh, and if their dicks really are 8″, that makes them bigger than mine.
    -There’s “your”, and there’s “you’re”–for all your claims of superior intelligence, it sure seems like spellcheck’s doing the brunt of the heavy thinking. Maybe “you’re” just too busy running “your” empire (see what I did there)?
    -You said, in response to RockFAIRY:”I can assure you I am no act”. That’s the sad part, John.
    -No matter how much you think you don’t care about or fear my opinion, I *promise* you that, in 20 years, something that I have at least insinuated will haunt you. You know, when your “chix” are too old to pole dance, your friends don’t want to go to the bar anymore, your limos are dated, your face is made of leather, your hair doesn’t matter because you don’t have any left, you know–when all the things that make your life so extreme go away.

    I think I covered most of my bases. I’m sure you’ll be back, despite the fact that it’s been nearly five days, because it seems fairly important to you to defend yourself from all of these opinions you claim to care so little about. So go ahead, John, make my day.

    -Kidcanuck

  45. saraphonic

    Hilariously pathetic. Not even morbid curiosity gives me any reason to visit EJ’s site. He reeks of desperation.

  46. jamie

    Kidcanuck…fucking hilarious, love it. Do you have a blog? I’d read it.

  47. Chriscim

    @Kidcanuck – Seriously…post a link to your blog. Well said man.

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