Awhile back ago, I signed up on reviewme.com for a lark. I figured most of the people who paid for other sites to review them expected positive reviews or, in the very least, constructive criticism. However, I thought it would be absolutely hysterical for someone to expect that from me only to publicly get ripped a new asshole instead. Just the thought of someone plunking down their hard earned cash for 200 words of pure vitriol courtesy of yours truly tickled me pink.
For the first time ever, I sorely underestimated the intelligence level of the average American blogger and I failed to entice a single person to foolishly pay me for an online tongue lashing…
Everyone, allow me to introduce you to ExtremeJohn.com. EJ (as he likes to call himself) is literally the only moron on the Internet who was actually brain dead enough to pay me (ME!) for a review. When I was first was notified of his desire, I was hesitant. Surely, his site must be the best goddamn site on the Internet for him to have the nuts to step to me, right?
Turns out Ej really is just that dumb. Fat, orange, and dumb.
Don’t believe me? See for yourself.
Oh and Chris Brown here’s a big Giant EFFFFF UUUUU for all the guys that would love the chance to Hit Rhianna and by hit we sure don’t mean beating her ass on the side of the road by a Lamborghini.. EFFF UU!
If you don’t have the guts to type out the word FUCK, then you are pussy. If it’s a matter of not liking the word, then don’t use it. I’m fine with that. As far as I’m concerned, the word ‘fuck’ is an acquired taste anyway. But don’t you dare write some meandering, adolescent tripe like ‘eff uuu’ and expect me to take anything you have to say seriously.
Also: you. Your. You’re. Learn the difference. One mistake is a typo. Constant, never ending, misuse of these words makes you look like a ridiculous fucking moron. Jesus Christ, man. You have kids. How will they learn to read and comprehend if you can’t?
Lastly, don’t say things like ‘shit stain’ and then toss words like ‘dreadful’ in there just for fun. Pick a fucking voice or else you end up sounding like you have a bad case of split personality disorder.
That’s all I have for constructive criticism.
Other than that, there’s not much to say about EJ simply because he doesn’t have much to say. His website basically boils down to vague, monosyllabic, grunting about his likes and dislikes. “Me Like Tanning.” “Me no like hitting!” “Pot rules.” “Smoking drools.”
Those aren’t exact quotes, but that’s pretty much the extent of it. There is no depth. No passion. No thought. No reason to read whatsoever. The end result is utter and complete boredom. Reading EJ is akin to being fucked in the ass with a hot poker while a small Mexican boy pisses in your face. It’s so boring it’s painful.
The cherry on the shit pie is EJ tries to make this all OK by periodically posting pictures of coked out sluts who look like they’ve all been molested by the same Uncle. It’s not OK, man. It’s seriously not OK.
EJ very briefly won me over with pictures of his dog that is admittedly very cute and literally the only bright spot on a very dark and decaying blog.
If you’re slightly masochistic or into beat up looking whores with flabby asses, check out ExtremeJohn.com here.
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