A couple of nights ago, I was thumbing through the channels on my TV set when, resigned and bored, I briefly settled on American Idol. A contestant, whose name I do not know because I don’t actually follow the show, was in the process of singing ‘Man in the Mirror’ by Michael Jackson.
Not 10 second into the performance, I muttered to the television screen, “Better kick it up a few notches, asshole.”
Said asshole mewed and whined a few more verses in an attempt to make the song sound pretty. For some strange reason, this annoyed the shit out of me.
Losing my admittedly erratic and often irrational temper, I howled at the screen, “Jesus Christ, man! Will you sing that song with some passion please! Don’t you know what that song is about?”
If anyone reading right now blinked and answered, “Changing the world via charity?” let me take this moment to tell you exactly how naïve and incorrect you are. Learn to read between the lines, people.
“Man in the Mirror,” by Michael Jackson is about diddling little boys. I’d bet money on it.
Don’t think I was always so enlightened. I’ll admit, when it first came out I was also fooled. I bought the lie. I, too, bobbed my head to the beat while thinking to myself, “Wow, Michael is tired of being a rich asshole and now he wants to give to charity and shit. What a fucking humanitarian!”
Oh, Michael, you tricky bastard! In retrospect, it’s pretty obvious that you had just molested your first little boy and felt a twinge of guilt. Much like a Catholic priest, I’m sure you thought covertly confessing your sins would stifle your monstrous urges to tongue a prepubescent little boy’s asshole.
By the way, how did that work out for you? Ouch, not so well, eh?
For those of you who are still skeptical listen for yourself:
I’m looking at the man in the mirror
And I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and make a change
(And quit molesting kids)
Nanana nanana nananananana
It’s so obvious now, isn’t it?
That’s why watching that contestant softly sing “Man in the mirror” last night was so annoying. Michael Jackson didn’t sing that song; he screamed it. He screamed it as if the pedophilic hounds of Hell were chasing him. And despite the fact that he tossed in a couple of garbage lines about starving children (Starving for HIS COCK), he sang it like a man desperate for an appetite for full grown pussy. Or at least barely legal pussy.
Alas, the Gods were not on his side.
Sorry, Michael. American Idol just doesn’t understand you.
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