How Feminism Ruined My Sex Life

December 1st, 2006.

Today I’m going to tell the men a little secret about women.

Are you listening, men? Come a little closer…a little closer. Shhhhhh, we’ve got to keep our voices down so the feminists don’t hear….

You know that stuff you’ve been reading in the girly magazines that tell you that women like to be romanced with candlelit dinners before you gently (gently!) make love to them by first giving them hours of oral pleasure and then softly (oh so softly!) penetrating them while staring lovingly into their eyes…always making absolutely sure that they reach orgasm first?

Well, it’s all bunk.

Do you want to know what we really talked about when discussing the best sex we ever had? We talked about our scraped knees and the bruises on our backs where we were bitten in the throes of passion. No one even mentioned that time you filled the bathtub full of rose petals and blah, blah, blah. It was that time in the back seat of an old chevy with our faces crudely pressed up against the window that got us hot.

Hey nice guys! Want to know why all the assholes get the chicks? It’s because women are hoping that their casual indifference will carry over into the bedroom. Despite what Oprah tells you, no women wants to feel like her man is inferior to her. What better way to prove your superiority than to grab a handful of her hair and refer to her as your dirty little slut?

The perfect man, of course, would be loving and respectful outside of the bedroom and only become the beast when the doors are closed, but not many men like that exist. For the time being, we’re being forced to choose between a 100% equal relationship and our clits. It’s a tough choice.

See, this is something the feminists won’t tell you because they’re busy conditioning the world into believing that women secretly vie for the power of men. They insist that women loathe the kitchen and feel trapped by motherhood. In reality, they say that women want to run congress after they get their manicures.

Well, the feminist movement came and went and what did the majority of the women choose to do? That’s right: cook food and make babies. Fuck, most can’t even be bothered to do a little political reading before they vote. It just doesn’t satisfy them.

If feminists can’t predict what women want outside of the bedroom, then why do you put any stake into what they say about the inside of the bedroom?

These days, feminists got men so twisted in the head that they’re afraid to be a little aggressive sexually lest they get slammed with a date rape charge. Unfortunately, women are equally being conditioned to believe that if a man doesn’t proclaim his undying devotion to you with every thrust, he doesn’t respect you. A friend of mine used to think that something was actually wrong with her because she fantasized about rough sex. She was convinced that she might have been molested as a child and blocked it out. She spent a lot of time in therapy only to find out…..

She wasn’t.

I read an article that listed rape as one of the top three sex fantasies that women have. Rape. I heard a feminist justify this by saying that all rape fantasies, at some point, become consensual mid act because no real woman would ever want to be dominated. Well, I don’t know what women she talked to, but my rape fantasies stay about rape all the way up until the point where he spits on me and walks away. Dominate me, baby.

Now men, I am not saying that you should go out and rape a woman. Like most fantasies, the whole scenario is sexier in our heads than it’d be in real life. All I’m saying is that your woman wants a little aggression, a dash of force! Use good judgment!

And ladies? Quit feeling so damn guilty about your natural sexual desires. Wanting to be fucked does not mean you have a low self esteem. There is nothing wrong with you! Ultimately, sex is a biological instinct and all the feminist propaganda in the world will not change that. Revel in your sexual equality where you should: in the workplace, in politics, etc.

Inside of the bedroom, feel free to be the naughty fucksluts I know you want to be.

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