Peeves 3 & 4: Ugly Kids and Tanning Beds

December 19th, 2006.

Have you ever stood in a line at a department store loudly talking to your toddler just hoping and praying someone would compliment his cuteness? If so, I hate you and I hope you die.

This happened to me just last night. I was standing in line, minding my own business, attempting to buy a DVD. The woman ahead of me was talking to her son, who looked around 1ish. Every few minutes, she would shoot me an expected look, as if to say, “Here’s your cue. Feel free to jump in and coo at him at any time…” The more I ignored her, the more animated her one sided conversation got. Finally, the little brat blew a spit bubble and she exclaimed, “Oh! Isn’t that so cute!” Then she looked me directly in the eye, paused, and when I still didn’t acknowledge her, she gave me one hell of a stink eye.

I had to fight the urge to say, “And he seems so smart, too, for a Downs baby!”

If you want a compliment, I can give a fucking compliment.

“If not for that thing with his eyes, he could almost pass for normal! You must be so proud!”


My second beef today is with women who are obsessive with maintaining their tans. Oh sure, your darker skin makes you look 10lbs thinner when you’re in your 20’s. But the older you get, the more the wrinkles take over and your skin develops the texture of aged leather that’s been beat up against a rock. By the time you’re 35, men will look at you and wonder if fucking you would be akin to fucking a well worn wallet.

Tanning beds are evil, avoid them.

Similar Articles

1 Response to Peeves 3 & 4: Ugly Kids and Tanning Beds

  1. Reactionary » Pet Peeves

    […] I have more of them than the averagest of human beings. I’ve been trying to turn over a new leaf… no, actually I’ve been bitter with the evilness of work lately and obsessed with that and how it’s interfering with my life. But I still have a lot of pet peeves and this is one of them. […]