Archive for June, 2007

If Gas Prices Bother You, Walk. If You Hate Your Job, Quit. If Your Life Sucks, Change it.

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

If one more person complains to me about the rising gas prices, I’m going to snap and break his fucking kneecaps. Every morning, when I check the mail, my neighbor gives me a little wave and makes some disparaging comment about how the gas prices are killing him. And every morning, I want to ram […]

Please Feel Free to Nominate me for ‘Best Supporting Actress’ Now

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

I am now an actress. And now that I am an actress, I take back everything I said about celebrity worship being stupid. Please feel free to worship me at will. Oh, I kid! Actually, I just did the voice of Millie in Myroid’s new game. The bad news is I’m a lousy fucking actress. […]

It’s in the Genes

Monday, June 18th, 2007

I’m walking down the isle of a large, bright grocery store. I’m not paying much attention to my surroundings. Instead, I’m staring intently at my list. I decide to start my search in the dairy section, so I shuffle past the orange juice and the raw cookie dough in the search for eggs. Before I […]

Creepy Little Fuck

Friday, June 15th, 2007

I woke up this afternoon and stumbled, bleary eyed, into my living room on the way to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. Three steps into my foyer and I suddenly stopped short. For there, standing right in the middle of my living room was a strange 5 year old boy. I […]

Celebrity Worship and the American Dream

Thursday, June 14th, 2007

I don’t really write much about Paris Hilton or Brad Pitt or whoever because I care even less about their day to day lives than I do about yours. I don’t need to know what they decided to name their adopted African children, nor am I particularly concerned with how much they’ve spent on collars […]