Archive for October, 2007

Animals Aren’t Replaceable Accessories

Monday, October 29th, 2007

Friend:  I’m sorry. I know it’s horrible when your pet is sick and you don’t know what to do to make her feel better. V:  What is really driving me crazy is all the people who are like, “So what? It’s just a dog. You can always get another dog.” I swear, if one more […]

A Birthday Charity Challenge is a Damn Good Idea

Friday, October 26th, 2007

The chick over at Wide Lawns is having a Birthday Charity Challenge. Even though I normally couldn’t give two shits about teachers, (The number of people I know who graduated from High School unable to read makes me lose sleep at night) I’m still plugging the thing for a couple of reasons. 1. I like […]

America is Doomed to Fall Because its Citizens Lack Basic Survival Skills

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

This morning, I woke up fairly early because I had planned to take my dog hiking. My dog, sensing that I had something planned, followed me around the house, tail whipping back and forth at a slick 100 miles per hour, as if she thought continuous wagging would somehow propel me through my morning routine […]

Christmas Breasts

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

As a child, I had a boob obsession that rivaled that of any teenage boy. I never played with my Barbie because I actually enjoyed combing her hair or dressing her up in pretty clothes. Instead, I stripped her naked and stared intently and enviously at her boobs. My favorite movie was ‘Blue Lagoon’ and […]

Calm Down, No One is Stalking Me

Friday, October 19th, 2007

Seriously, people, you need to calm down. I’m OK. I’m not in any danger. As of today, not a single person has come to my house, called me on the telephone, or sent me threatening emails. Nobody actually tracked me down and no one is stalking me. I appreciate that some of you are worried […]