Classic V

Closing the Deal From a Female Perspective

One of my guiltiest pleasures is watching men scramble to figure women out. The practice of convincing women to sleep with them seems particularly challenging and they rack their brains trying to figure out the best way to score. Cocky men will often claim that all it takes is a bit of ‘game’ and they will smugly impart their infinite wisdom on their gawky peers. A guy that lacks experience in the sex department will sometimes latch on to any tip or trick thrust down his throat without ever considering the lasting effect his behavior has on society as a […]

How To Fight

The summer I turned 6 years old, some of the neighborhood boys started bullying me. Back then, I owned a pair of cabbage patch kid roller-skates and my favorite activity was skating around the block singing nursery rhymes at the top of my lungs. One day, a few boys in the 8-10 range thought it would be pretty humorous to push me around and watchme flail. I tried to run from them, but I couldn’t skate faster than they could run. They taunted me for a while and then knocked me down. Angry, humiliated, and with two freshly skinned knees, […]

What Would Happen if You Bought 25 Bottles of Nyquil?

Ever since I was a little girl, I have periodically played a game I like to call ‘What would happen if…’ The very first time I played this game I was 5 years old and riding in the car with my Mother. She had allowed me to sit in the front seat, but the novelty of that wore off rather quickly and I got bored. Almost immediately after we merged onto the expressway, I spied the car door handle. I thought to myself, I wonder what would happen if I opened the car door right now? Would the door fly […]

Most People Are Depressed For a Very Good Reason

My Great Grandmother was born in 1904 and immigrated to America with her family shortly thereafter. When she turned 12, her Mother forced her to drop out of school and work twelve hours a day in a tire factory so the family could pay the bills. When she was 17, her family pressured her to marry a man she didn’t love in order to gain financial security. Shortly after she said ‘I do,’ my Grandmother came to her senses and demanded a divorce. Back then, divorce wasn’t as common as it is now and her demand caused a lot of […]

7 Surefire Ways to Gain the Interest of Any Woman

You’ve finally found the girl of your dreams barring one small exception: she doesn’t know you’re alive. To make matters worse, you strongly suspect she’s totally out of your league. She’s beautiful; you’re a fat slob. She’s wealthy; you’re struggling financially. She popular and social; you spend your Friday nights browsing your collection of Internet porn and playing World of Warcraft. In other words, she’s godiva and you’re a freaking tootsie roll. Is there any hope at all for a love connection? In a word? Yes. See, here’s the thing men need to realize about women…they love to date losers. […]

Female Masterbation

The first time I ever masturbated was in the middle of 7th grade English class. Our school happened to have a sustained silent reading program and once a week our teacher was obligated to force us to read something, anything, (preferably without pictures) in a vain attempt to improve our overall vocabulary. Personally, I relished the time. Rarely did I need an excuse to read. It was during silent reading time that I suddenly found myself overcome by an almost irresistible urge to pee. Briefly, I thought about raising my hand and requesting a hall pass. However, I was in […]